The chronicles of a water loving, cocktail juggling,fire spinnng Goddess.

CHAI

elfishchronicles — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 05:43:53 +0000

On a rainy day.After a hard day’s work.When there’s nothing to do.At 2 am.Post partying.Pre pooping.During movies.While reading.With chaddi buddies,with strangers.In my gully.In your gully.Sitting by the sea.Cutting,pudhina,adrak.Kaanch ka Gilaas.Mitti ki kuladd.Pilaastic ka cup.
CHAI…kidhar bhi,kabhi bhi,kaise bhi.

When hell welcomes you with open arms,I’ll be at peace.

elfishchronicles — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 16:43:43 +0000

In the hollowness of your soul,fill a little bit of dignity and shame…for as you do unto me,you sink lower and lower in the quicksand of your own murkiness.I’ll just close my eyes and fade away to a happy place,but you’ll rot…and I hope you do….in that hollow hell of your corrupt soul.

Geek Peeks.

elfishchronicles — Wed, 26 May 2010 05:07:59 +0000

Missing my college days all of a sudden. Junior college/ 12^th grade i.e.

Practicals were the highlight of my 2 years at Jai Hind.We were forced to wear white lab coats for all practical classes.It’s as if they believed that someday we would be worthy of those coats.I don’t think I’ve ever worn a lab coat as a bartender. I remember pricking my finger to test my blood type, antigens etc. Silly fat girls would squeal at the sight of a needle or a dissected rat. You dint have to eat it/play with it/grill it you know, just draw it. There was this one time when the college caught fire, and we rushed out of the bio prac lab shouting with joy because that meant we din’t have to sit at a table, peep through a microscope and draw a flower’s reproductive system (and even though ‘antherozoids’ really don’t resemble sperms, it still caused ripples of giggles amongst the girls).

And then there were chem pracs. The boys would purposely mix copper shavings with a silver nitrate solution.Any person worth his chemistry knowledge would tell you how much you could earn by selling the silver coated pieces of copper.Peanuts. We just did it so that college had more expenses (big grin here). And just for the record-sulphuric acid BURNNNNNNS!!

My lab buddy made nitrous oxide once, laughing gas…no one laughed, he just sucked at experiments. Oh and how can I ever forget that hydrogen sulphide gas chamber at the end of the lab room. H2S! Described as the smell of rotten eggs. It certainly lived up to that description.Those who had tables at the back would carry perfume drenched surgery masks to avoid gagging.

We would bribe the lab attendant during exams. I’m sure every damn student in history has done it, and he would tell us in advance what the acid reading should be or what salts we were to test. It was all about manipulation thereafter.If you (a boy) had managed to flirt your way through the months, the chubby bespectacled lady professor might even do your entire exam for you.

But I hated physics the most…who gave a fuck about the resistance of a wire or what the resonance reading was for a stupid pipe dipped in water. I mean we couldn’t steal anything or ruin anything. What’s the point of such a practical :p Our physics professor, a Mr Salgare, could have an entire comic strip series designed on him. ‘pherst take wayr, cinnect to shirkschit, edjst the meter reading…..’

Sound geeky to you?Sure we were! Fun naughty geeks!

Another day in paradise…

elfishchronicles — Mon, 24 May 2010 16:55:05 +0000

I’ve realized how self absorbed people can be…and how apathetic.I was out for my usual nocturnal walk when I came across a poor beggar woman.She must have barely been 30.Slumped against a wall, matty hair, mumbling to herself.She had no clothes on.Absolutely nothing covered her.At first it din’t even sink in, a few seconds later it did. But what bothered me more was, there were so many people walking by, and no one seem to be bothered by the sight.A bunch of girls stood gigling at the near by bus stop.A few men had the audacity to lech and pass snide remarks as they passed by.But NO ONE gave a shit about it.I rushed home and asked my mother to hand me a kurta or anything she could find.Even my mom took her own sweet time, grumbling all the while, to find her oldest most worn out kurta.Did it matter if she gave up one measely piece of clothing to help someone?I would’ve taken my best, only my clothes wouldn’t fit that lady.Now I’m not trying to highlight what a good samaritan I am, I’m trying to highlight the high levels of apathy rampant amongst us.Somewhere down the path of evolution, we lost ”humanity”.

I rushed back with some clothes and money.She had spread a sheet and was lying on it, trying to cover her breasts as best as she could with her arms.People still walked past her.She seemed afraid when I approached her.Shrunk and edged away from me like I was holding a knife instead of clothes.She muttered some foul words and made angry animal like sounds.She was a little unstable,probably the experiences she’d had in life.It’s only when I held out the money that she calmed down and accepted the clothes.I smiled at her and left without glancing back,I din’t want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed or anything.(She might not have felt that way but I din’t wanna take chances)

And I can’t help playing Phil Collin’s ‘Another day in paradise’ over and over again in my head…

Do it Bob’s way…

elfishchronicles — Sun, 23 May 2010 15:41:13 +0000

As we grow up, we learn a lot of useless things. No one teaches us the real lessons. No one teaches us that the one person who wasn’t supposed to let you down,probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break plenty of hearts yourself. You’ll fight with your best friend…or maybe fall in love with him/her. You’ll cry because time is flying by. So take way too many pictures. Hang out with friends,laugh a lot. Sort out grudges,learn to forgive freely…no matter how egoistical you feel. Love like you’ve never been hurt before. Don’t give up and stop fighting. Life comes with NO guarantees,NO time outs,NO second chances. Tell someone what they mean to you. Speak out. Dance in the rain. Hold someones hand. Comfort a friend. Fall asleep while watching the sun come up. Stay up and sing to the moon. Smile till your face hurts. Empty your wallet in a beggars palms. Walk a mile in any random direction with Bob Marley playing on your iPod. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be scared to fall in love a second time. But most of all….live every moment happily. Because every moment you spend angry or upset,is a second of lost happiness you can never get back. Don’t worry, be happy.

Blues..

elfishchronicles — Fri, 07 May 2010 09:00:50 +0000

Is it possible to feel lonely in a room full of people? I sit here, I look around, I hear a million voices…overlapping. I see faces, smiling, thinking, focussing..

Then why does loneliness still creep in? There’s a sense of emptiness. I think I really need to start travelling again. Need to get out of here. I’m sick of weighing out options. I’m sick of trying to choose. I’m tired of the mess. Can the line on the ‘graph of life’ go upward consistently for a while please? I’ve had too many downs this time…and I’m tired.

MAL-good-tv days

elfishchronicles — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 07:35:46 +0000

Remember all those really shady TV shows/Movies etc (Hindi) we might have watched as kids?

Mahabharat- Started with this really long Mahaaaaaaaaaaaabhaaaaaaaaaarat (followed by the sound of a conch shell). Men (all) wearing the same kinda wig that gave them a heart shaped forehead with a middle parting and side bangs. Clip on pearl earrings, bright dhotis with gaudy gold, a bow slung over the shoulder along with a quiver of arrows on the back.Sita with full nude make up on in a bright orange sari,perpetually looking sad and downcast (she really never raised her eyes). Bad graphics,flying swans,demons by the dozen,wigs wigs wigs and chariots…et all.The language was funnier, shudh Hindi. From ‘Pitaashreee’ to ‘Swami’ to ‘Tathaaaaassthooooo’.

Then there was ‘Zabaan sanbhaal ke’. Back then this was humour enough for the Indian audience! It had Tom Alter!The Sheikh who always said ‘Meriiii koh nahin pati!mee kuch nayee kee’.Pankaj Kapoor….jeez….I can’t believe I actually laughed at some of this stuff. I must’ve had a very low threshold for humour.

Shekhar Suman!I have never seen anyone over act as much as this dude. Anyone who watched Dekh-Bhai-Dekh will agree. I only watched this ‘cause my cousin was in charge of the remote control.

The BAAP of all serials!! CID-My all time favourite!!!!! A very bad story line with a great (note the sarcasm) script!

Daya-Sir, yeh dekho!

ACP-Chaakoo?

Daya-Jee haan sir!is par khoon lagaa hai!

ACP-Chakoo par khoon?

Daya- Jee sir,Laal dhabbey hain!

ACP-Iska matlab hai khoon isi chakoo se hua hai!

Daya- Matlab sir, is chakoo, jis par khoon hai…..isi chakoo se khoon hua hai?

ACP-Haan…lekin khoon kiya kisne….. (trails off)…..Daya!!darwazaa todo!

Khooni yahin kahin chhipaa hai!

And then there were some I watched just for kicks. Doordarshan News- I wasn’t following the news really. Kids don’t watch news. I was busy watching the lady who came in the little box on the side-You know….the one who did the sign language news for the deaf and dumb?

Next!Prabhu Deva movies- And I’m talking of this one particular movie starring him and Nagma!He did this rap song called ‘Patti Rap’. NO ONE dances like Prabhu Deva. He woos his girl by dancing around and forming a rangoli portrait of her by using only his feet! And also finished it off with the ultra clichéd-super-shady red dot of a bindi using the blood from his abused toe.

Ever watched a snake bite wala movie? The actress gets bitten by a snake. Actor lays her down on a bed of dried leaves, slowly lifts her skirt (the audience is made to feel like this is a potential rape scene, the actress’s thunder thigh is exposed….), and then wraps his lips around the 2 puncture marks and sucks…sucks like there is no tomorrow. Tadaa-poison out, fat lady saved. Next step love,marriage,babies. Just goes to show the world can survive without anti-venom.

Oh and if the actor gets bitten then the woman saving him would be a tribal woman with extraordinary archery skills.

Last , any shady Mallu/Telegu/Tamil/South Indian language movie- The yenna udu bubble bubble thayyayyalllyalayayii beeeeyyooooooteeful talk was just hilarious. I never understood a word of it (obviously), but the thunder thigh-ed actresses and the ‘goggled’ actors couldn’t be ignored! It had Pelvic thrusts, unbelievable stunts(literally) and bad ass dance choreography. The remote control had to be put on hold for 3-4 mins till I got tired of it.

There’s a never ending list of things I must’ve watched just to give my peanuts company…

Heil Enfield!

elfishchronicles — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:12:37 +0000

There’s a joy…..an indescribable joy…when one rides an Enfield.How I wish I owned that blue Classic 500.Been trying to learn how to ride this mean machine.I’m almost there-kickstarting is a bitch.I think my right thigh is thinner than my left thigh now.After a thousand kickbacks I’m left bruised and aching.But I will not give up.I’ll conquer you baby, and then I’ll ride you like YOU own me.

Four wheels move the body, Two wheels move the SOUL.

and then..

elfishchronicles — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:20:35 +0000

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin’ on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

I’ve chased dreams all my life. I’ve lived by the rules. And all I got was – nothing. And I wish I had realized much earlier that I was born to be wild. But then I found me. You found me.

mydislikeinglyness

elfishchronicles — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:19:16 +0000

I hate-

- Gujju/ Marwadi women at theatres.

- Kids.

- People who drench their food in ketchup.

- Pink.

- Girls who act cool just to impress boys and then go all whacko with weird demands and bipolar behaviour. Trust me, all the ‘wanna’ be tomboys fit under this category. However, all we tomboys ‘by birth’ are spared.

- Bus conductors who say PUDHE CHALA even though there are 400 people blocking the aisle.

- Travelling by local train, especially if there are Maharashtrian women, carrying fish baskets under smelly armpits, fighting over seats for a 20 min ride.

- People who can’t be quiet during the national anthem.

- People who believe IST really exists…in any time zone.

- Inconsiderate women who will break into toilet lines and act like they were there first. And then lack basic civic sense when it comes to flushing or clogging the bowl with tissue.

- My dad making a fool of himself when he’s high.

- Friends who only call for free entry at a night club.

- Guys who straighten their hair. It’s so GAY!

- Chindigiri.

- Fake accents, be it American, British, Australian or simply a mix of it all (cause when you’re faking it you obviously don’t know the intricacies)

- College professors who reward ass-lickers.

- Students who lick-ass.

- My super-hunch backed maid who never fails to piss me off with her toothy grin, witch laugh and old-woman-snide-remarks….She calls me (in a witch like hissing tone) ‘Rasssita!’

- People who post earthquakes, centuries, deaths of celebrities,feats of a particular sportsman etc as their Facebook status message, within seconds of it happening.

-Farmville.. photos,comments,updates,pink elephants,mystery eggs, all of it. arghh!

- Restaurants that charge more than 350 for a pitcher of beer.It’s just NOT FAIR!.

- Happy birthday songs that die out after the third line(happy birthday dear…..mumble mumble…lets eat cake!!).

- Wanna-be humans-but-actually-cows who lack dining etiquette.

- Jain food.

- Make that gujju food.

- Cockroaches!!!

- People with very strong opinions and a narrow mind.

-Folks who don’t know a shit about wine but still go ummmm….great bouquet!

The next batch will be posted later.